Bruno's Column:
Creating Original Humour for your Wedding Speeches [8]
Mind Mapping

Welcome to this month's Bruno's Column, in which we explore the use of mind mapping to create wedding speech humour.

We are going to illustrate this technique for the wedding reception of a fictional couple, John and Miriam. John has Swiss parentage, plays the violin and enjoys Strauss waltzes and sailing.

The first thing to do is to brainstorm these subjects via mind maps. We'll tackle sailing first; next, Strauss; and finally, Switzerland.

Click below for Mind Map "Brainstorms"

• Sailing
• Strauss
• Switzerland

Please note that these mind maps serve only to illustrate the method. When I am actually creating humour I brainstorm far more information onto the mind maps than is shown, and create a mindmap for every subject under consideration.

It is not unusual for me to spend a considerable length of time searching through ten or more sheets of A4 paper filled with bubbles and links. Applying the method to this extent always produces numerous ideas for humour, several of which are normally considered excellent by my customers.

Having created these mind maps we scour them for links between subjects on the individual mind maps and between subjects on different mind maps. Amazing as it may seem, wherever there is a link there is a joke.

It will probably not be possible to generate a good joke out of every link, but please be open minded to the good and the bad. As I've said before you need to create a certain amount of chaff to get a few grains of wheat.

The links I can see are as follows (see the green highlighting):

Click below for Mind Map "Connections/links"

• Sailing
• Strauss
• Switzerland

The next step is to write down the connected subjects and convert them into jokes using the tips in my earlier articles on creating wedding speech humour.

I end up with the following; which I can tie into the wedding, many others come to mind but are not listed as being either inappropriate for a wedding reception or just not relevant to the wedding couple, families or guests.

• John is of course very keen on Johann Strauss and his music. Strauss came from Vienna, a place famous for white stallions, a fairground with a giant ferris wheel and the film The Third Man.

  Like John, Strauss came from a musically talented family: Johann senior, Johann junior and Levi, who was clearly the third man.

• John and Miriam enjoy old time ballroom dancing, but moving on just for a moment ...
  
  ... you know the fairground in Vienna? It reminds me of "The Waltzers" - remember them? ... the fairground ride which twirls you round-about and violently from side to side? ...
  
  ... well, Miriam confided in me once that dancing with John was a bit like that. ... And has asked me to warn you all to stand well clear when she and John lead the wedding dances later on.

• As you probably know John enjoys Straus waltzes and playing the violin:
  • Waltzes of course have 3 beats to the bar, so if Strauss had a car you could imagine his number plate being "123 123";
  • as for the composer Sousa, he wrote marches so his number plate would be "12 12";
  • meanwhile, Wagner's (Vargner) would be determined by his answer to the question: "Do you spell your name with a V?" To which he would say: "Nein W" (9 W).
  • I can say at this point that John, as a fiddle player, is saving up for registration "V10 LIN".

  (Oops, the "Rule of Three" suggests that I've got one too many, so I might cut one of the first three items, but I'll keep the last because it is most relevant to the wedding.)

• When John inherited Swiss nationality from his mother a few years ago, the prospect of national service didn't bother him - after all, it's just a bit of ski-ing, which is great fun. But my concern for the Swiss militia is the tools they are given to fight with: a Swiss army knife. It's a good job they haven't fought any wars for 500 years, because anyone with anything as simple as a catapult would take them to the cleaners.

• It is John's Swiss heritage that has given him his immense musical ability, and which has actually won him the hand and heart of his beautiful wife today; she was smitten when she heard him playing The William Tell Overture on his alphorn. Incidentally, did you know that the only reason William Tell shot the apple off his son's head was to put it in his muesli; which of course is the only breakfast John ever eats.

• John has recently taken up sailing; I believe that this is to make up for the numerical deficiencies of the Swiss navy. There was the time he took Miriam out in his boat and the weather suddenly became choppy; Miriam was less than impressed with him when he started "yodelling" over the side of the boat.

• The Swiss are known for cuckoo clocks, precision and accuracy - their buses and trains are always on time and dovetail together beautifully. What we have here is something else that dovetails together beautifully, another perfect connection! the wedding of John and Miriam.

Etc etc.

It takes a little effort to get going with Mind Mapping, but it's well worth it, because with a bit of practise you'll be able to come up with jokes on any subject. Mind maps are a technique that you will find easier and more effective, the more you practice them, they are frequently used at work and in business. Using mind mapping for your wedding speech may just be the start of learning the technique for other aspects of life.

I wish you every success on the wedding day.

Bruno Barton